Meg's Choice
by KellethMetheus
Summary: After hunting season there was something missing. Ben and Meg needed to have a little talk. This is my view of what should have happened. REPOSTED and REEDITED.


Authors Notes: There is spoilers for ATHQ, WATEM, Perfect Stranger and Hunting Season. When I wrote this story I had not actually seen this episode. I have since watched but my thoughts on it remains the same. The two of them should have had one more scene, Ben should have explained why he did what he did.

AN2: This is a repost of an older story. The was the very first Fan Fiction I ever wrote. I have reedited it and I hope made it better. It's for melipenny22 who twisted me arms and told me to post my older stuff because she wanted to read it. Here it is just for you. This one has no beta, so any mistakes are my own. If you find them let me know I will fix them.

Any who reads it and likes it I would like to hear from you. I live for the reviews...

* * *

After putting Maggie in the taxi, Ben turned around and looked at the consulate. He headed up the steps but changed his mind. If he waited a while longer Inspector Thatcher might have gone home for the night. Sighing heavily, he admitted to himself he was not ready to face the Inspector yet. He had been able to avoid her all day but now that Maggie was gone he had no excuses. What did Meg feel for him or he for her? Did he love her or was it another inner ear imbalance.

He would never forget the look on her face when she cut the lanyard for his uniform. It was one of pure jealousy and contempt. She had asked for an explanation but how could he explain the insane situation he was in? His dad had not been there for him to confirm that Maggie could be his sister. That he had let he go because he knew that his sister could not have killed that man. What reason could he have given her. 'I can't tell you because my dead father was not in his office in my closet. So I don't know if she truly is my sister.' She really would have shipped him off the the funny farm at that one.

He knew that he could not avoid her forever, but he just did not want to face her at this juncture. So he took a walk in the park until night had closed over the city and Diefenbaker started to get annoyed with him. Ben took him home to get him some food, nothing was worse than a sulky wolf.

The consulate looked dark and he hoped that Meg would have left by now. It was hours after her work day ended. When he had to use his key, Benton's hopes rose, but as soon as he closed the door he heard, "Fraser my office now." Come through her half open door.

Fraser looked longingly at his own office/home, all he wanted to do was climb into his cot and forget about most of yesterday. Instead he opened the door and let Dief inside. The wolf whined and lifted his nose in the direction of Thatcher's door, "You go on in. I will be alright. I have been reinstated there is nothing she can do to me now. Enjoy your dinner." Dief whined once more a disappeared through the door.

* * *

Inside her office, Meg sat playing with a piece for string. What did Fraser think of her? Most of all did he know why she had done what she did? Could it be possible that Benton Fraser knew that Meg Thatcher had let jealousy rule her actions? That she had let her emotions get out of control.

When Fraser had let Constable Mackenzie go, all she could see was that he was letting another woman destroy his life. To her he seemed to fall for the liars, that Maggie was like Victoria. Mackenzie had wrapped Benton around her finger and he was dancing to her tune.

Meg had hoped to shock him into seeing what was happening to him again. In the end she had been wrong, but it did not make her actions any less than what she had intended.

Out in the hall she heard the door open and Fraser come in. Without thinking she bellowed her command just glad that he had come back even if it was only to say goodbye. How could she compete against a girl from the north, who understood him and his home more that Meg ever could.

She turned the string over in her hands. It was his lanyard that she had cut from his uniform. Is this all she would have in the end a little piece of string to remind her of how much of a fool she was. She was sure he was leaving, why not, he had found someone just like him. Not to mention the fact that he had asked Mackenzie to call him Ben. She had known him three years and he had never asked her to call him by his given name.

Suddenly overcome Meg lay her head down on her desk. Why of all the men she had met since coming here did she have to fall for him? Shaking her head while it lay on the desk Meg knew that answer. Benton Fraser had stood up to her and did not back down no matter how horrible she was to him. Worst if all he still treated her with respect, even though she didn't deserve it. Especially in the beginning.

He had never challenged her order about their contact. Never forced her to acknowledge what had happened between them, but did he forget as she told him to? Meg doubted that very much because she could not forget.

Time had passed and she had continued to smack him down each time they came together in one of those strange situations that they seemed to get into together, an egg incubator, train loaded with explosives and sleeping Mounties, on a replica of the Bounty. They never seemed to end with Fraser. Had he not realized that she would not make the first move, she could not. Then again neither could he.

A knock at her door brought her head up. Meg resisted the urge to smack it down on the desk, "Come in Fraser." She threw that lanyard into the drawer with Fraser's destroyed stetson from that train episode and slammed it shut. Hopefully locking away her emotions inside.

He stuck his head in the door, "You asked to see me Sir?"

Meg drew a breath and hoped she looked more in control than she felt, "I wanted to know about Constable Mackenzie? Did she make her flight all right? I hope you had a chance to say goodbye."

"Yes sir, Ray and I put her in a taxi a few hours ago. Inspector now that the incident is over I feel able to explain a few things to you that I could not before. May I have your permission to do so?" Ben pulled at his ear nervously.

Meg looked away and would not meet his eyes. She fussed around with the papers on her desk and tried to look busy, "Put it in your report Constable. You are dismissed."

"Sir, but I want to ...." Benton took a step toward her, but she cut him off.

"Constable, I said you were dismissed. Now please leave so that I can finish my work." Meg kept her head down and she squeezed her eyes shut. There were tears coming and she did not want him to see them. "Just tell me where Constable Mackenzie is and I will put it on the transfer request. After all you have done here I'm sure they will not turn you down."

"Inspector with all due respect it would be nicer to be closer to Maggie, but I don't want to leave here yet." Ben said taking another step toward her. Now he was close enough to see her tears and her actions the last few days made sense. "Are these tears for me?" His voice was quiet and confused.

"No Constable I have something in my eye-eyes. Why would you stay here when you could be closer to her and track caribou or something?"

"I must admit that does sound like fun. I have never been hunting with a woman before. Maggie would be more than up for the task, I would assume." Fraser stared off into nothing thinking about how much fun Maggie, his dad and himself would have hunting caribou.

Jealousy gripped Meg at the contented look on his face. Had she ever seen it before? The a question that she really did not want to know the answers to slipped out, "Do you love her and did you kiss her?"

Ben was still thinking of bagging a caribou as a family and answered without thinking, "Yes of course how could I not, and no she kissed me. Well Ray did as well and she kissed, I am not sure how I feel about that though. Maggie is...."

Meg suddenly stood cutting him off. "Okay Constable that is enough for now. I will expect an invitation to the wedding, I probably won't come but I want one never the less."

"Sir, who am I marrying," Ben pulled at his ear trying to catch up to the conversation, They each seemed to be talking about something different.

Meg's voice was brittle as she struggled to hold herself together when she said the words, "You love her and that means your leaving so you can be with her. I assume you will want to marry Constable Mackenzie."

Confusion and then understanding moved over his face. "The Inuit have many strange customs, but they will not let you marry your sister even if she is your half sister."

Meg sat down again, but missed her chair and fell to the floor, "Your sister?"

Ben knelt down in front of her and took her hands in his to help her up, "Maggie and I share the same father. I realized it when he- uh she said that my father and her mother were friends. Also the man she thought was her father died over a year before she was born. I had just figure it out when she came back and I did not have time to explain it to her. I could not arrest her because she was my sister and I knew that she didn't murder that man. I could not put that in the report and I felt you needed to know the truth."

Meg looked down at their joined hands, "You love her because she is your sister."

Ben smiled and his dimples showed, "Yes and we are not getting married although I may have to go North and help her tar the roof of her trailer."

Meg was not listening, but was still mumbling about Maggie being his sister, he was not leaving, and last of all she had not lost him and it was not too late.

Ben looked at her, but she refused to look at him. He could not believe that he had finally been handed this chance. Since the train, the Bounty and the baby episodes he had been looking for a way to force her to admit how she felt.

He placed his hand under her chin and lifted her gaze to his, "The only way you could loose me is if you had me in the first place. You have never claimed that right. As for too late, that is your choice not mine. I love you, Meg. I am willing to make this work, but you need to remember I won't be around for ever." And he leaned down into a kiss.

* * *

To Meg the kiss was bittersweet. Ben had laid his cards on the table was waiting for hers, but she was going to fold and run away. He was under her command and she could not allow this it was wrong, but her heart would not listen. She kissed him back and she lifted her arms to push him away, but they ended up tangled in his hair. This was where she wanted to be but was it worth what she would give up?

When they broke the kiss both stepped back looking at each other. Ben had made his move and now he waited for Meg to decide what hers would be.

Finally Benton broke the stalemate, "I can see you have not decided what you want. You know where I will be when you decide, but wait too long and I may not be there anymore. I can only lay myself at your feet so many time before I will tire of being stepped on. I'm not made of stone." Turning away he left the office leaving Meg alone with the echo of her words from the train.

Outside in the hallway Fraser stopped and laid his head against the door calling himself a fool. He could hear her crying as though he broke her heart, but what about his. When she had kissed him back a few minutes ago he thought they had gotten past that she was an Inspector and he was a Constable working for her thing. In his opinion as long as there was no one taking advantage of the other why should they not act on their feelings. They were equal in how they felt her was sure. Her eyes did not lie to him.

Angry at himself and Meg he strode down the hall and opened his office door. Dief looked up at him, but seeing he was fine laid his head back down and went to sleep. Ben shrugged out of his red serge and dropped the uniform on the floor with his stetson on top of it. He just resisted the urge to kick the whole thing across the room. Grabbing his long johns he changed leaving his uniform on the floor at the moment he hated it.

A few minutes later Ben climbed into his cot. He had been waiting for Meg to leave, but he had not heard anything else since he had left the office. That meant that she was still here. He wondered if he should go and talk to her, was she waiting for him to come back? No, it was her turn. He had made a step now she had to choose what she wanted and Ben would wait but only so long. They could be together or they could be alone.

He shifted on the cot and looked at the closet, no music. He hoped that meant that he would not get a visit from his father. It had been bad enough after the baby misunderstanding, but his father seemed to be laying low since he had confronted him about Maggie.

Benton rolled over again listening for the sounds of Meg leaving, but they never came and sleep was a long time coming.

* * *

She stared at the door he had just left through. Ben had taken a step froward and she had taken two back. Overcome with confusion she put her head down on the desk and cried. She was exhausted, she had not slept well last night thinking he was leaving. She had laid there in her lonely bed thinking about Benton and what she should have done. Most of all how she would do it all differently if she had the chance. Now she did, but would she take it or let it slip through her fingers like so many others? After she heard his office door close she fell asleep.

Hours later she woke. It was still night and she should go home. Her thought as always when she thought of home turned to Benton. He was right, she had to decide what she wanted. For a long time the RCMP had been her life, but what kind of life was it? Each night she came home late to an empty apartment, alone and slept alone. Most of all there was no one to hold her in the night or to smile at her when she woke up. Did she really want that for the rest of her life?

Her first thought was no, she wanted Ben. children and to make a home for them, but did it have to be at the expense of her ambition? Would it really be that hard to give up the lonely and hard Inspector Margaret Thatcher to become Meg Fraser, mother and wife.

As Meg sat there she realized that it would not, because it would mean that she would wake up with Ben each morning. The Inspector in front of her name did not make was not who she was. It was only a small piece of her life that had grown until it took over the whole thing. If she did not choose to take back her life now she would come to the end of it and only have the ashes of regret.

Deciding what to do Meg went down the hall and opened Benton's door. He lay there asleep on his cot in his flannel long johns. Meg wondered if he knew how often she had come into his office while he slept to watch him.

There were too many nights when she could not sleep. Hoping her paperwork would cure the insomnia, she would return to the consulate to do work. Only to find herself standing in his doorway watching him wishing things could be different. Longing to sleep, but know she would only find it inside his arms.

It was on one of these trips that she had taken his broken hat from that day on the train, which was in the drawer in her office. It had been sitting on his desk, a piece of a memory that she wanted to keep alive even if she could not bare to remember it in the light of day.

At the sound of the door opening Dief had looked up and Meg was sure he rolled his eyes at her. Her watching Ben as he slept was their little secret.

But this time Meg came in and shut the door. Dief stood and curled himself around her legs as though he knew something was about to change. Quietly she kicked off her shoes and knelt next to the cot shaking him gently. He stirred and turned away from her but did not wake up.

Meg thought about sleeping on her couch in her office after leaving a note to tell him that she was waiting for him or she could go home and talk to him in the morning. Neither of these were what she wanted because she was afraid of loosing her nerve. Leaning against the cot she tried to think of a solution, her eyes spied a pile of his clothing tossed on the floor. On the top was his Henley and on the bottom was the rest of his uniform.

She must have hurt him more that she thought last night if he came in here and just dropped everything. Meg bent down and picked up the clothes and went to hang them in the closet. Tossed on the floor was a pair of RCMP sweat pants. After she had hung up his pants and tunic, Meg had an idea. She took his sweat pants and his Henley and changed into them in the bathroom. Once she was back in the main room she climbed over him and curled herself into the small space between him and the wall. She pulled his arm around her and fell asleep.

* * *

Ben was dreaming about Meg. It did not really surprise him because he usually did. This time there was that scent that made him think of train, hairpins and Meg. It seemed to be all around him as though she was right there. Sometimes when he woke up it lingered faintly in his office like she had been there in the night, but he knew that was impossible.

He stared to wake up and tried to roll over but something pinned Ben in place. At first he thought it was Diefenbaker, no it was too big. It was also tangled in his legs and then it made a noise. Ben's eyes popped open and met Meg's. Her head rested on his chest and she was looking at him softly with the love she felt reflected in her eyes.

Ben swallowed and closed his eyes again. Was this real, was Meg in his bed? He thought back to last night. They had fought, sort of and then he had retreated to bed. He had been alone when he fell asleep. That he was sure of, nothing had happened that he remembered. Ben moved his leg, no he was still in his flannels and she was wearing a Henley and sweat pants. Where had she got that. Then he remembered the pile of clothing he had left on the floor. She was wearing his clothes.

Was this a dream he was reaching up to pinch himself when he heard her voice? "Benton open your eyes. I want to look you in the eyes when I say this. I need to do it now or I will loose my nerve."

He slowly open them and met her gaze, "Ahem, morning Inspector, I mean Meg."

"Morning Ben. I love you and I don't want to loose you. I would also like you to help me with the process we spoke of a while ago. In fact lets elope. I have my uniform in my closet in the office and yours is here. Well I hung it up last night so it is in your closet too. I'm babbling. Lets get married today. If we hurry no one will know we are together. We can both call in sick."

"Ah," Ben started to agree before she changed her mind an backed out but there was a knock at the door.

* * *

Turnbull opened the door,"Constable Fraser, sir, have you seen the Inspector this morning. We had a meeting at 6:30 this morning before I took the sentry position and she is not here. It is now seven fifteen."

Fraser sat up quickly to hide the fact the very person Turnbull was looking for was in Benton's cot beside him, "I am sure she is running late this morning. Have you called her apartment?" He looked around the room to see if there was an evidence that she was here. No he could see the suit she was wearing yesterday hanging in the closet and Turnbull could not see it from where he stood.

Turnbull looked closer at the bed there seemed to be something strange about how Fraser was sitting, "Ah no, I have not. I will do that." He turned away shaking his head. No that was silly, there was no one else in the Constable's bed.

Ben drew Turnbulls's attention back to him. "I will call her apartment. Why don't you run out and grab her a coffee and breakfast croissant from that deli over on 7th. I would do it but I ah have some work to do that I did not get finished last night."

Turnbull smile vanished as he looked down and then back up so quickly Ben was not even sure his head moved, "Will you let her know where I'm if she comes in before I get back. It should take me about fifteen minutes round trip. I would assume that she will be upset that she is late." The younger man's smile returned even bigger.

Ben smiled back, "I will. Now you will have to excuse me. I need to get ready. I too am running behind today." He then have to cough to cover Meg's giggling under the blanket, "If you see the Inspector before I do. Tell her that we have that emergency meeting in, uhm Ontario this afternoon that we must get too. The information just arrived this morning."

"Oh, yes sir. I will talk to you later." Turnbull turned and closed the door smiling. He had seen the inspectors shoes under Fraser's bed. Shaking his head, he thought it was about time.

From behind the door he heard their laughter and then the words, "What about right now," "It's racing," "Out of Control," "Its a runaway." They both sounded so happy and so he started whistling as he headed out the door to get breakfast for two.


End file.
